Carrubbers
Christian Centre
An oft heard expression uttered by parents through the ages at the wedding of their children has been, "We're not losing a daughter... we're gaining a son!" Be advised, this goes both ways. When two people join together in marriage they not only gain a new partner but also a new family.
Who you are today has much more to do with your home environment during your growing years than you may realize. God's statement in Genesis 2:24 that "the two shall become one flesh" seems to have more to it that first meets the eye. Two very distinct and unique individuals are joining together, not only spiritually, but practically, environmentally, financially, sexually and eternally! Becoming one in marriage means understanding your partner well enough to make the cleaving process all that God intends it to be for the sustaining of a God-honouring marriage.
In the first section you are challenged to ask yourselves, and one another, some very deep and probing questions. This interaction will help you uncover some of the things which have gone into making you who you are as well as help you understand more about the one to whom you will be forever joined.
By far, one of the most misunderstood words in our vocabulary is the word "love". We "love" everything from ice cream to ice skating and anything from people to pickles! Any yet, the very basic foundation for building and keeping a successful and God-honouring marriage is the ability to "love" one another the way God intended. What does "love" mean? Who defines it? Is it a good feeling? It is a "rush" of emotion? Is it desire? Is it a decision?
In this section of the course, you will investigate the biblical meaning of love and be challenged to apply the reality and practicality of this meaning to your marriage.
In his book entitled 'Love Life', Dr Ed Wheat informs us that "You and your marriage partner can have a thrilling love relationship, more wonderful than any romance secular literature has ever written or filmed, if you will develop it God's way ... {God} has provided all the pleasures known to man in their normal, healthy, satisfying form, and as the Creator of marriage and the Author of love, His provision includes a love affair full of thrills and joy and lasting satisfaction for every couple, not just a favoured few."
This section allows you to investigate the institution of marriage as God designed it. Be ready to be challenged and to think through the meaning of marriage and the responsibilities of the forever relationship.
Marriage has often been illustrated by a triangle. God is at the top and one partner is at each bottom corner. As each person draws nearer to God, they in turn draw nearer to each other. Without doubt, the most important ingredient to a God-honouring and successful marriage is a Holy Spirit filled and controlled life. In Ephesians 5:18, the apostle Paul commands believers to be "filled with the Spirit". Immediately following this command is the demonstration of this principle in action in the home. The husband and wife relationship is the first example given!
Your individual and personal relationship with Christ, your own obedience to His word, and your surrender to His sovereignty in every area of your life will determine you ability to love and care for your partner in the way God intends. Your quiet times are key. Your devotional life is of paramount importance. The nurturing of your spiritual life will greatly assist you in the nurturing of your marital life.
This section will challenge you to consider your personal relationship with the Lord. This will be a marker as to the effectiveness of your relationship with your partner.
A major issue in society today is the relationship and role of sexes. Some say there is absolutely no role distinction whatsoever and to create one is nothing short of female oppression. Others advocate such a cast distinction in role that most are left trying to figure our which sex is human and which one is not! Our primary point of evaluation should not be "What does society have to say?...", rather, we should ask "What does the Creator of the sexes have to say?" As with so much of what we see and hear in the world around us today, we must be very careful to filter out that which is secular and humanistic from that which is divine and God-ordained. We can very easily become the victims of humanistic and societal brainwash.
This session will challenge you to investigate God's word on the subject of male and female role and relationship as well as reflect upon your own opinions in this area.
Communication in marriage must be genuine and thorough as well as consistent. It is far too easy to slip into a routine of talking only about the "everyday, mundane" things. It takes work and commitment to stretch the communication boundaries in a relationship as well as to discover and develop new ground for verbal interaction. One person has described communication in marriage as the "life blood" of the relationship. In other words, when the proper flow of communication is inhibited every part of the relationship suffers!
It seems as though many in the world today believe that if the sexual relationship in a marriage is good then everything will be fine and good communication will follow. This is exactly the wrong way around! In actual fact, good sex depends on good communication and an open, honest sharing of thoughts, emotions, ideas etc. Almost every area of our marriage relationship depends on an unhindered flow of communication between the partners. Here too, God's enemies will throw every obstacle possible in our way in order to obstruct and destroy this vital part of our relationship - tiredness, overwork, pride, television, individual hobbies, stress, over commitment to church and friends, part problems, insecurity etc.
This session will most likely be one of the most important parts of the course for you. Make sure you spend time communicating together over the material which you prepare individually!
God has certainly given us great insight into ourselves when He said "The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jer 17:9). As many a starry-eyed couple has soon discovered... starry-eyes alone are not enough to create and sustain a firm, stable and God- honouring marriage throughout the years. Even a Christian home has its conflicts and problems. Thus, a firm grasp of solid, biblical conflict resolution principles is a must in order to develop and maintain a healthy marriage.
Dr. Ed Wheat writes the following in his book The First Years of Forever: "The forever relationship does not have to be a dream that vanishes in the cold light of day. In fact, it will actually thrive on adversity and become more precious when the rest of life has temporarily lost its joy. How does one acquire anything so valuable? Well, it cannot be found or fallen into, but formed - by a man and a woman who want it enough to pour their lives into the building process." And when you and your spouse determine to resolve conflict quickly, biblically and consistently, you will find that your relationship will go from strength to strength.
In this section, you will consider some of the principles which are necessary for biblical conflict resolution. Remember, conflict will come; we are all human. But conflict need not hinder the development of a strong, vibrant relationship.
In the gospel of Matthew 25:14-30, Jesus tells the parable of the talents, about the wise and unwise stewards. Obviously, it is important that we exhibit good stewardship over all that the Lord has entrusted into our care... including finances. Many a marriage is seriously damaged because of financial problems and unwise stewardship of money. Many times heartache and pain in this area of family life can be avoided but the proper handling and management of finances.
J Andre Weisbrod has written, "Love brought you together. Don't let money problems tear you apart." Your love for one another and commitment to one another is the bond that cannot be broken. However, it can be tested! Financial unrest and mismanagement of resources can truly be a testing point in the years ahead. This session is designed to allow you think through the issues long before they come knocking at your (relational) door!
"The act of marriage is that beautiful and intimate relationship shared uniquely by a husband and wife in the privacy of their love - and it is sacred. In a real sense, God designed them for that relationship." (Tim LaHaye, The Act of Marriage)
"It is God's will in every marriage that the couple love each other with an absorbing spiritual, emotional, and physical attraction that continues to grow throughout their lifetime together." (Ed Wheat, Love Life)
Although the physical act of marriage is one of the most beautiful ways which God has designed for a husband and wife to celebrate their love for one another, the world has turned it into a selfish and obsessive struggle for power and pleasure. What God intended for marriage, the world has exploited any where, any time. What God created to be selfless, the world has used to serve self. What God designed for stability, the world has corrupted to create chaos. Perhaps no other issue is so widely discussed, displayed, misused, abused and taken advantage of. And yet within the bond of a monogamous marriage physical oneness remains God's way of allowing a husband and wife to express the abundance of their love for one another as well as providing the way for the fruitful population of the world and the rearing of a godly future generation.
